Making decisions can be hard on a relationship, even if your marriage is strong in other aspects, agreeing on something can take its toll on the both of you. Not all decisions are created equal, but no matter how big or small both of you need to feel like you have a voice. Below I’ve listed some of the best ideas I could find that I think will be very helpful to any couple. Take a look and let me know what other tips you might have in the comment section below
Be in the right frame of mind
Choose a block of time that works for the both of you to have a discussion. Having a clear mind is important in making a good solid decision, so don’t go and sit down after a hard days work to talk. Wait until you can sit down on a quiet morning over a cup of coffee to start up the conversation.
Each person should feel like they are able to express themselves freely. If one person feels like they can’t give their honest opinion, they will never truly feel like they are part of the process. Make sure both of you understand that you are free to say what you want with no judgment.
When one person is speaking, truly listen and show them the respect they deserve. This means no interrupting, eye rolling, or staring at the ceiling. Show them you care about what they have to say and value it. Focus on eye contact and asking meaningful questions, maybe take notes. All these things will show them that you are attentive and care about what they have to say.
If you don’t agree with what you are hearing, understand that the other person isn’t wrong it’s just their thoughts. Criticizing them isn’t going to help the situation and you need to make each other feel good about what you each have to say.
Pros and Cons list
We’ve all done this at one time or another and this old trick is still a helpful tool. Sit down together and make your list, putting something on paper and visualizing it can sometimes simplify your decision.
Don’t Go in To Win
Remember this isn’t a contest on who can convince the other they are right, it’s about respecting each other and coming to a decision together. Put aside the competitive juices and focus more on compromise and understanding. Going in like you are trying to win a debate contest is the wrong mindset and won’t get you anywhere.
Take a break/Set a date
If the point comes that one of you is getting angry or frustrated take a break. There is nothing wrong with hitting the pause button and giving yourselves some time to think and ponder. Set a date not only for when you want to talk about it again, but when you want to make your final decision.
Don’t let others influence you
Many times, we can be caught up in what others might think of our decision or choices. Remember, this is about what is best for the two of you and nobody else. This doesn’t mean seeking the advice of parents, friends, or a mentor is a bad idea, it can sometimes be very helpful. But when it comes time to make the final decision don’t let outside influences affect what is best for both of you.
Don’t second guess yourselves
The hard work is done, and you’ve made a decision, celebrate and be happy that you both made it together. The last thing you want to do is second guess yourselves and start all over. Be at peace with the fact that you have taken the time to look at every aspect and make an educated decision with each other.
I hope these tips have been helpful and you can apply them to your relationship moving forward, I know that I’ll be applying these to my own marriage moving forward. If you have any questions or want to let me know about some of the steps you use to make decisions I would love to hear them in the comment section down below.